When God made paramedics He was into His sixth day of overtime. An angel appeared and said to Him, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
God replied, “Have you read the specs on this order? A Paramedic has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark, dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed, enter homes the health inspector wouldn’t touch, and not wrinkle his uniform.”
“He has to be able to lift three times his own weight, crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move, and console a grieving mother as he is doing CPR on a baby he knows will never breathe again.”
“He has to be in top mental condition at all times, running on no sleep, black coffee and half-eaten meals, and he has to have six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands…no way.”
“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” God replied. “It’s the three pairs of eyes a medic has to have.”
“That’s on the standard model?” the angel asked.
God nodded. “Yes, one pair to keep watch for blood and other fluids, another pair here in the side of his head for his partner’s safety, and another pair of eyes here in front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say, “You’ll be alright ma’am when he knows it isn’t so.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching His sleeve, “rest and work on this tomorrow.”
“I can’t,” God replied. “I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk out from behind a steering wheel without incident and feed a family of five on a very modest paycheck.”
The angel circled the model of the Paramedic very slowly. “Can it think?” she asked.
“You bet”, God said. “It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses, recite drug calculations in it’s sleep, intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR nonstop over terrain that any doctor would fear, and it still keeps it’s sense of humour.”
“This medic also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with a multi-patient trauma, coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door, comfort a murder victim’s family, and then read in the daily paper how Paramedics were unable to locate a house quickly enough allowing the person to die. A house that had no street sign, no house numbers, no phone to call back.”